LONGER JOKES 2
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A blonde saw she had a dent in her car, so she decided to go to a mechanic. Well the mechanic saw she was a blonde and decided to have some fun. He told her to "go home and blow in the tail pipe till the dent pops out", well 15 minutes after her doing that her friend walks by and says "What are u doing"? "I am trying to pop this dent out but I cant seem to get it". Her friend says "Well duh You have to roll up the windows first"!
There was a blond, a lilttle boy and a old man in a plane, and the plane is about to crash and there are only two parachutes. So the old guy says I am old and I lived my life so you two should take the parachutes. The blond was the first to go. Then the little boy goes"hey, wheres my backpack!"
Three girls wanted to find out how they got their names. So they decided to ask their father. The first girl walks up and asks, "Dad why did you name me lily" and he said, "Because when you were born a beautiful lily fell upon your head." the second girl asked, "Daddy why did you name me rose" and he said, "Because when you were born a beautiful rose fell upon your head." the third girl walked up and said "Blahhjhfjhdsjhdsjbdjb" and the father said, "shut up Cinderblock!"
A blonde was at a busy airport and when she go through the metal detector. The security gaurd said,"Wait please." At this moment, the blonde smacked the security guard and said, "115lbs. and very proud of it!" and walked through!
There was a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. They were driving through the desert, and their car ran out of gas. The brunette said that she had seen a gas-station a couple miles back. So they all decided to take something. The redhead asked the brunette what she was taking, and the redhead replied: "water, so that we can stay hydrated!" The redhead asked the brunette what she was taking and the brunette replied: "food, so that we can eat when we get hungry!" Finally they both asked the blonde what she was taking. The blonde said, "I'm taking the car door, so that when we get hot we can roll down the window!"
There was a red head, a brunette and a blonde at a casino. They all had 50 1 dollar bills. They split up in the casino and said they would meet back in 30 minutes. When they came back the red head had no money, the brunette had only 2 dollars worth of coins, and the blonde had a huge bucket full of coins. The brunette asked the blonde how she got all those coins and she replied, "Well, It's a secret but i guess i can tell you guys... there was this really awesome machine and when you put a dollar in it gave you 4 coins back !"
A blond was walking in to the house and she told her husband somone stole our car, so the husband said did you get a good look at him? And the blond said no, but Igot the lisens plate!!!!!
There were three men named Nothing, Nobody and Crazy. They all decided to go ice fishing, when they got there they made the hole and Nobody fell in it. Nothing sent Crazy to call 9-1-1. Some one answered and said "Emergency, what's the problem?" Crazy said "Nobody fell in a hole and I'm calling for Nothing!" The lady said "Are you crazy?!?" A look of surprise and curiousity went over his face and he said "Yes, how did you know?"
There is a brunette in the middle of the street yelling "64, 64." then this blonde come out of a store and says to herself "what is she doing, I think i might try it" so the blonde goes into the middle of the street and yells " 64, 64," Then BAM she gets hit by a bus. So the brunette yells "65, 65"
There was 3 crazy guys and their phyciatrist wanted to get rid of them so he took them to an empty pool and told them to jump. the first guys jumped and died. the second guy jumped and died. but the third guy was crying so the doctor thought that maybe he wasnt all that crazy because he probably realized that his brothers died. so the phyciatrist asks him " why are you crying?" and the crazy guy replies " i forgot my bathing suit at home!"
Three blondes walked into a bar to celebrate finishing a puzzle in 6 months. the bartender asked why they were celebrating and they said they finished a puzzle in 6 months but on the box it said 3-6 years.
One day, a blonde was driving in the country when her car broke down. She saw a house on the road next to her so she went over to see if she could do anything to make some money. She knocked on the door and a man answered. She said"Hi, my name is Tiffani, do you have anything here I could do to make some money?" He looked into the room at his wife and said"We need our porch painted, but it's pretty big." She says"I'll do it for $50, but i need the paint." The man goes inside and gets the paint for her, but on the way back, he tells his wife, "I can't beleive she going to paint the porch for only fifty bucks, this is a pretty big house and all the professionals charged $500. But, if she wants to, I'm not complaining. About thirty minutes later, the girl comes to the door and asks for her fifty bucks. The man says"there is no way you're done already!", she says, "Yes, I am, and it's not a Porsche, it's a Ferrari."
A woman was lying in her hospital bed after an intense 12 hour delivery of a 6lb. baby boy. Moments later the nurse walked in carrying her baby, suddenly she throws the baby on the floor, kicks it against the wall, picks it up, twirls it around several times and finally throws it against the wall... the woman yells out "MY GOD! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BABY?!?!" The nurse chuckles and says "April Fools... He was already dead!
There is a blonde,a brunette,and red headthl in a swim contest. Tthey had to do the breast stroke The red head came in 1st, the brunette came in second and they waited for 3 hours and then finally the blonde came in 3rd. At the award ceremony the judge said the Red head came in 1st the brunette came in 2nd and the blonde came in 3rd. Out of know-where the blonde shouted, "They cheated!!! They used there arms!!"
A guy is sitting at home watching TV. Then there is a knock at the door. And he gets up and opens the door, and there's a snail there. The snail says "Gimme a hamburger" and the guy gets mad and kicks the snail. (30 years later) The guy hears another knock at the door. It's the snail... and he says, "What'd you do that for?"
A brunette is driving and the blonde is in the passenger seat.The brunette knows she is speeding and asks the blonde to turn around and see if there is a cop behind her....The blonde turns around and says yes....The brunette asks her to turn around and tell her if his lights are flashing
The Blonde replies, "yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no"There are two guys on an on roof bar the first guys name is bob and the second guys name is bill.Bob goes up to the bartender grabs a shot throws it down and runs off the roof and floats safely to the ground! Bill is amazed and asks bob how he did that bob wont tell! So bill goes up to the bartender grabs a shot throws it down and falls to the ground and dies! the bartender looks at bob and says"Superman you really are a jerk when your drunk!!
In a fun house there was a magic mirror and if you told it something,and it was a lie you would disappear forever! So this guy walked in and said " I think I am the richest person in the world" and he lied so he disappeared! Then a woman walked in and said" I think im the smartest,and prettiest woman in the world" she lied so she disappeared..Then a blonde walked in and said " I think " and disappeared!
There was this blonde and she was trying to put together a puzzle and she couldn't figure out how. Then he husband came home and she said, "honey i cant figure it out!" and her husband said, "Honey...put away the frsted flakes!!!!
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